In The Interest of a Gentle Life

Introductions

Introducing myself, what brought me here, and why I decided to stay.

Lee (they/them)'s avatar
Lee (they/them)
Oct 06, 2023
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The AA model is outdated, uninformed, and deeply embedded in religious ideology. The AA model also got me through early sobriety.

My name is Lee. My pronouns are they/them. I have been sober and in recovery for 1,045 days, and counting. I have a lived experience that non-traditional forms of recovery from substance abuse disorder not only work, but deepen and strengthen an individuals recovery process. I believe that, in recovery and in life, practicing honesty and boundaries, and identifying and engaging within your realm of control will always guide you to the right things. As I say to myself often, it is the most important and most rewarding work I can do.

Three years ago, You would find me burrowing into nihilism, isolation, and defeat. The result of years of deeply toxic emotional environments, untreated mental illness, and a completely empty tool box for coping. By its own nature, addiction led me to truly believe that a hazy twilight of ignorance and isolation could hold me with more tenderness and reliability than anything else. I was in a co-dependent relationship that supplied me with an illusion of control. I trusted this false control with everything. That is, until I realized that I was committing to self abandonment.

The reason I am in recovery now is the same as plenty of other folks in recovery: years of unhealed trauma, and a genetic predisposition for mental illness. Even more specifically, I am in recovery from the avoidance and escapism trauma causes; The consequent behaviors that emotional dysregulation caused for myself and everyone around me. Recovery from addictive behavior, trauma, all its comorbidities, and liberating myself from my drug of choice (DOC), has inspired me to be passionate and committed to infusing my creative and spiritual practice into every detail of my life. The presence and grounding this practice lends directly results in being able to practice compassion with myself.

Everything I’ve learned throughout recovery, so far, is a huge reason I even considered bringing myself to open this laptop and start typing. This journey is something I am privileged to experience, and it is a kindness I give myself. The insight and knowledge I have gained is something I want to be accessible to anyone who is ready to engage with their process. I dreamed up the idea of this zine, and sharing my words because I’ve seen the inaccessibility and lack of options. I want others to know that there is a nuance and depth outside of the structure in recovery. Flexibility and accommodation, giving yourself grace, is vital too. Getting to know who you are as an individual is vital. Building community that supports all of those things is essential.

My dream for this creative project is to create a digital community. A space for any lgbtqia2s+ individual. For any creative, neurodivergent, non-conforming, empathic person who craves a creative, flexible and compassionate community where they can connect and evolve in their healing. Spaces in which people can know compassion and complete honesty creates amazing change. I strive to use my experience to help others. To give others tools and passion to devote themselves to healing in a way that accommodates their journey and experiences. I strive to demystify substance abuse disorder, destigmatize addiction, and reimagine recovery outside of the traditional AA based model so I might empower other queer and neurodivergent folx through their recovery journey!

Choosing recovery is a dedication and commitment to self, and that choice is sacred. There is strength in deciding at just the right moment in time to dive into an ocean of grief to retrieve oneself. Not only that, but surviving to see the beauty in being lucid. This survival and evolution is a blessing and privilege. It is a gift you choose for yourself. It is the strength to look directly at anything painful or overwhelming, and trust that facing it will only make you stronger.

By engaging in my healing, I am here. With my unclouded voice. Moreover, the clarity to know that fluidity, choice, community, honesty, and making your voice heard are healing forces. I am here because I hope for this liberation in others’ lives too. If I can share this knowledge with one person and it helps them in their daily life, I want to do just that. Having lived experience that I can share to help others fall in love with their life is deeply meaningful work. Making people feel understood and cared for by hearing, seeing, and understanding who they truly are is deeply meaningful work.

May these words and my story help you along your path; to choosing your healing, embracing your divine authentic self, and creating a life abundant in its graces and synchronicities.

That it harms none,

Lee


Creative Endeavor Updates!

Playlists are posted once a month! I love to make them. Have a listen and let me know what you think!

New playlists and my digital zine In The Interest of a Gentle Life is available each month, starting in October of 2023, for paid subscribers. Expect seasonal and monthly musings, hand designed coloring pages, and bullet journal inspiration. I’m so excited to share my creations and seasonal practices in community with you!

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